Forgetting One's life.

To live a full life, a life of goodness and kindness, faith in God and driven to spread the Good News, is a CALLING.

As child, I dreamt of becomimg a Monk, giving myself to God and God only.

As I developed into puberty and later, adolescence, my sex-drive clouded any dreams of becoming a priest.

Sex was a sin unless you were married; I committed this sin, too many times.

As an adult, somewhat an old man now, my views have changed.

Young Love is the closest to God one can ever experience.

What makes me happy is the JOY in some one's eyes; two people in-love, holding hands and that indescribable energy that emanates around them.

I think, " Love is Real and very close to God."

The light is pure and also so bright...

I grew up to believe that there are GOOD men on this planet. Women and men who go out of their way to help someone in need.

This belief makes my life worth living.

We live on a very strange planet, however.

Why would a man devoted to his family and a minister of a church, who only preached the value of kindness, develop a devastating disease that makes one lose their memory? This disease aggressively pushes the memory of your life OUT, to the extent of forgetting your family, one's son, one's wife, who YOU are...

For the last week, my mind was constantly on my ex-brother-in law's father, a Minister of a church. He had been diagnosed with this particular disease four years ago; a quiet conversation between his son and I some years ago , he said, "I'll know it will only get worse and everyday I pray for the guts to deal with him."

I tried to contact the Uncle of my son, to no avail.

My mother found the Minster's number and I made the call.

I was, of course, a little angst but made the call any way.

Surprisingly, He answered the call.

The man is Scottish, thus, because of his accent, I knew I was talking to the right man.

"My name is Craig, your old grandchild's' uncle!

"Who?"

"Remember I came to your church one time and listened to your sermon about love and kindness."

Silence.

In his thick Scottish acsent, he said, "No, I do not remember you."

"I know it is you. You have a son named, Paul."

Silence- at least 15 seconds...


"No, I do not have a son named, Paul."


The poor man's mind was gone.

"I'm sorry I bothered you, sir."

"That's okay", he said,

"It's nice to hear a friendly voice."

Then he hung-up the phone.

I have to admit it, I'm a wimp, and cried after the phone call.

To have lived a life devoted to helping others' to strive to become good people, to then have one's memory taken away is... cruel.

Life is a beautiful and cruel mystery, yet somehow in the deepest recesses of My memory, we are MEANT to FORGET.

At least for a time.

Young Love

It was late afternoon last week when sitting out side writing in my journal at an attempt to describe those people and objects around me.

The afternoon had been very hot and a cool change, a soft wind, soon made the area more comfortable.

It seemed I had been writing a long time, looking at the sky turn crimson, when I noticed two young people half laying on the grass and gazing into each other's eyes.

There is no doubt that I was observing "young love", reminding me of a sentimental scene from some forty's film.

As a writing exercise, I tried to describe both their emotions and body language.

Then, I suspect, the boy must have said something to the beautiful young woman for she suddenly stood up, turned in a huff, and walked in the opposite direction. The young man called out to her but she ignored his pathetic apologies and left through the door.

The poor boy looked devastated, running after her like a broken hearted puppy.

Oh, the games we play in love!

What I found interesting was how sudden their mood changed from a love scene to a "lover's spat."

Sometime I miss the intensity and almost unendurable passion of young love. Then only a few seconds pass and I remember the pain and loss that young love brings as well. Is it worth the pain? At times I think "no", and other times remember the passion and overwhelming pleasure of it all to then ask myself if it was even worth the trouble.

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." as the saying goes.

Looking back, for me at least, it was worth the trouble, because thankfully, the heart is a resilient muscle.