THE LIST (A Short Story)

The day began like all the rest.

A list made the night before, too long for the most ambitious person to accomplish, as usual, over these last several months my life has spiralled out of my control; my eyes open and the clock reads several hours beyond the intended hour to awake – slept in again.

Checking the mobile, there are three unanswered voice mail messages and one text.

The text message is the one that makes me cringe and want to roll over and fall back to sleep. Pushing the button, the text appears and because my glasses are no-where in sight, I read it as,

Why do you sleep when it is necessary to rise and meet the world? We’re over…and please don’t call me for at least a week. You disappoint me so…
Love, C.

Holding the phone at arms length does not make the characters clear to the eye.

Thinking I need to wake up, forgetting the blurred message, make a coffee and settle into writing my list, which reads as follows:


1. Wake up early.
2. Drink coffee.
3. Examine list.
4. Tie-up all financial obligations/write note to Chloe
5. Shower, dress in best suit, and wear best cologne.
6. Stand on railway tracks and…preferably Box Hill Station.
7. Must be peak time, and as train moves into the station, fall gracefully below the wheels/ kill yourself.

The time came to cross off number four on my latest list. My financial obligations have always been in order: bills paid on time and a hearty savings account. Thus task took little time. Good. Now, to the note.

Dear Chloe,
You know I’ve loved you for years and I cannot stand you mad, or more particularly, ‘disappointed’ in me. I know we’ve had our troubles, but your last text message put me over the edge. I can’t deal with disappointing you anymore! Please try to understand that without you life is not worth living. So I’m going to end it tomorrow…so by the time you read this I’ll be gone forever. Always remember that I LOVED you! And I will never disappoint you again.
So long,
J. xxx
P.S.

Have transferred all my accounts to your name. It is a grand sum and I want you to enjoy it…take a holiday to Europe…whatever. XXX

Ok. Making good progress on this list. The letter has been mailed and with certainty can put a line through the task.

Making lists has always been my passion or as Chloe constantly reminds me, my “obsession”. This could be partly true but making lists is a practical activity ensuring everything in one’s life gets done. Added to this is the feeling of deep satisfaction when a single task is done and you can put a thick line through it. For me, really, the feeling I get from this simple action is better than sex. Maybe this is why my relationship with Chloe has fallen apart…who knows, but lists keeps one organized and I desperately need to be organized.


The time in the shower was longer than usual but I can afford this little transgression. In fact # 5 on my list should be enjoyable. I shouldn’t rush through the task to just experience the visceral satisfaction of putting a line through it…save it, make it last.

Dressing in my best Armani Suit, a dark blue $3000 garment, on special the day I purchased it, down from $5000; what a bargain. As I remember, finding a bargain on a suit was on that particular list as “Top Priority” and putting a line through the completed task almost sent me into spasms of frenetic joy; yes that was a great list accomplished to my complete satisfaction.

My $200 bottle of Hugo Boss cologne, applied to my face evenly, of course, would complete #5. Excellent, now to put the thick line through it…ah, that felt divine!

The day is overcast, and fitting for the final task on the list. Though really, come to think of it, the sky should be pouring down with rain, thus the affect greater on my fellow travellers.

Finally reaching my destination, the number 2 platform on Box Hill station. Excellent, I can put a thick line through # 6. Whoa, now that was terribly good!

It is crowded today, I suppose because the children are back at school. Looking down the platform, a sea of private school uniforms in a multitude of colours and patterns, crowded together on the platform awaiting the arrival of the train, my train.

Suddenly a terrible thought comes to mind: how will I put a line through the final task on my list… if I’m dead? Then the solution comes to me, as my body falls under the wheels, I’ll quickly and adeptly scratch the line through the task, a nana second before the final, crushing moment. Ok. Very good, J, a marvellous plan!

I can hear the train approaching.

Oh outstanding, it is not slowing down, because it must be an express train, shooting through the station at top speed. This is pure, unmitigated luck! I’ll put my pencil at the start of the line of # 7 on my list, just in case...

Here it comes…ready…ready…JUMP!

The well-dressed man falling in front of the speeding train caused the morning commuters to move into a minor frenzy. Although an express train, the driver applied his brakes, creating a high pitched scraping sound, finally bringing the steel beast to a complete stop. Unfortunately for the morning commuters, as this was a blatant suicide, a death of a human being, it was The Transit Authority’s policy to hold all trains for the entire morning shift. Therefore a local bus service is called to provide transport for all their passengers.

Coincidentally, at the same time Chloe is reading J’s suicide note, there is a knock on the door. Two uniformed police officers, trained to deliver terrible news, walked into Chloe’s small apartment. She shows the officers the suicide note. One of them hands J’s mobile phone to her that was recovered from the scene, and she opens the ‘inbox’.

“Oh my god, he didn’t have his glasses on when he read my last text message. I can’t believe it. This was all caused by some miss-read message.

The text actually read:

Don’t sleep in and miss the world. We’re over at the Green Pepper Café. Call me next week if you can’t make because I’ll be gone at my Grandmothers. Don’t disappoint me. C.

When J. thought it read:

Why do you sleep when it is necessary to rise and meet the world? We’re over…and please don’t call me for at least a week. You disappoint me so…C.

After the police officers left the apartment, Chloe sunk into a chair and began to go into shock. Then her mind began racing… “What will I do, J. had nobody but me. I’ll have to make all the arrangements, there’s the Funeral Director, the funeral and all the invitations…how will I manage it all…
Then it dawned on her:

“I know…I’ll make a list.”

Ends.