Love & Betrayal

Most of my entries will seem disconnected and irrelevant. This is the point. As the title suggests, "musings" are a kind of rambling free-association of thought and ideas, seemingly having no connection. Life changes, circumstances travel, and the people we thought were our friends or loved one's, inadvertantly or intentionally, play with our hearts for their own unscrupulous ends. For me, today, is one such day.

As a writer, to be alone, when working, is a blessing. All too often the noise of reality seeps into one's thought processes, destroying the scene unfolding...and once returning to that particular moment is all but impossible, it has vanished forever. Writing can be (but not always) a selfish endevour. As time runs forward, the so-called real world becomes insignificant, and the reality of the tale is all that matters. I have always admired good writers who can maintain meaningful relationships, write and pay their bills on time. Something I am currently striving towards, because when one's "significant other' has had enough, believing that your world takes precedence over their's, trouble is inevitable.

To discover a betrayal, something that was the furthest thing from my mind, was devastating. Of course, having stumbled on the indiscretion by accident, made the whole experience that much more dramatic. I think the word is "blind-sided". Reflecting over the years, however, any aware individual would have seen it coming...

The cuckold husband is not a good space. Makes one feel like a total loser. Why? Because I should have seen it approaching; obviously all the signs were there, but I chose to remain in my work, writing, teaching, drinking, playing music, and believing life was a bed of roses. Talk about a wake-up call!

Love for someone is never enough. Love is a mutable phenomenon, ever changing, particulary, in this universe, ever changing, whimsical, fickle, directed, in essence, to the propagation of the human species.

But as a Romantic, pure biological explanations seem absurd.

"I love you but I cannot live with you anymore!"

Really she's saying, "I cannot live with you anymore, so deal with it and find another life."

Fair enough.

There is only a few constant's in this world: change, violence, pain kindness & love.

Emotion: Lost. Angst. Sad.